Allen in Wonderland
by King Elizabeth
Summary: Allen awakes to Lavi yelling, "I'm late! I'm late!" He opens an Ark gate to get Lavi to the Black Order, but something goes wrong. He finds himself in a strange land and the baka usagi keeps running away from him. While chasing Lavi, Allen finds that his other friends, although acting a bit strange, are also in this Wonderland. Poor Allen, will he ever get out of this odd place?
1. Chapter 1- Baka Usagi?

**Disclaimer: I do not own ****_D. Gray-Man._**** That belongs to the wonderful Katsura Hoshino. I do not own ****_Alice's Adventures in Wonderland_****. That belongs to the lovely Lewis Carroll.**

**Elements from these two stories used: D. Gray-Man characters in Lewis Carroll's wonderland.**

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_In fancy they pursue  
The dream-child moving through a land  
Of wonders wild and new,  
In friendly chat with bird or beast -  
And half believe it true.  
-Lewis Carroll_

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**Chapter 1- Baka... Usagi?**

"Oh crap! Oh crap!" _What's Lavi so excited about now?_

"Allen! Allen, wake up!" _Why?_

"Come on, I'm going to be late!" _Wait, what? Late for what?_

"Allen, the old man's gonna kill me if we don't get going right this very second!" _Can't I just go back to sleep?_

"Allen, I know you're awake. Come on, let's go!"

"No." Allen was not in the mood to put up with the hyperactive rabbit in a human suit. For the past three weeks, he had been on missions non-stop. He hadn't slept at all for several days. Now, he finally had the time to get some decent rest, and here was Lavi, interrupting his beauty sleep.

"Allen, _get up_," said the red-haired boy as he pulled Allen up. "I'm going to be late!"

"Okay, okay! I'm getting up! Just stop shouti-" Allen completely froze when he actually got a good look at Lavi. He rubbed his eyes just to make sure that his vision wasn't being blurred from just waking up.

"Lavi... Lavi, are those... are those rabbit ears?" he asked in disbelief. Sure enough, among the messy, red strands of hair on the usagi's head were red bunny ears.

"What? Who cares about that, Allen? I'm going to be late!" he nearly shouted as he grabbed the smaller boy's arm and began to run.

"Wait, are you also wearing a waistcoat?" Allen asked as he ran along with Lavi, trying to keep up with his longer strides.

"Lavi, where are we?" he asked when he noticed that they were in a forest that he had no memory of entering. It seemed oddly familiar for some reason though.

"Lavi, where are we going?" he asked when he noticed that Lavi seemed to be running just anywhere. _Are we being attacked or something? But my eye isn't seeing anything. A Noah, maybe? But that still doesn't explain why Lavi is in a waistcoat and why he has rabbit ears sprouting from his head._

"Lavi, care to explain what the hell is going on?!" he asked when Lavi didn't answer any of his questions.

"Lavi?"

"Lavi?!"

"LAVI?!"

Lavi stopped running so suddenly that Allen ran right into him. Lavi didn't fall down however, but grabbed Allen by the shoulders, looked him dead in the eye, and whispered six words.

"_I am going to be late." _Lavi just stood there, staring into Allen's soul. Or at least, that's what it felt like to Allen.

"But Lavi, what are you going to be late _for_?" Allen had to ask.

"Allen, look at this! Look at it!" Lavi yelled as he nearly shoved a watch into Allen's face. "Do you see this? Do you? Look at the time! Do you see the time? THE TIME SAYS I'M RUNNING LATE! We have to go, _now_!"

"Go _where_, Lavi?!"

"Open an Ark gate!"

"Where, Lavi! Where?!"

"To the Order or something, I don't know!"

"What do you mean you don't kno-"

"JUST OPEN THE GATE, I'M LATE."

"Okay, okay!" With that said, Allen started to create a gate to Headquarters. In no time at all, the pure white light of the Ark Gate began to illuminate the dark forest. It took a moment for the heavy rock of depression to hit Allen. He was so gonna get in trouble for this. Trouble like being accused of treason. Lavi owes him big time, and he means BIG time.

"Happy now, Lavi?" Allen grumbled.

"Oh crap, I'm late, I'm late," Lavi continued to repeat to himself. Without a moments notice, he grabbed Allen's hand and jumped through the gate.

Allen only had time to yell "Wha-" before the white light of the Ark enveloped him.

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**Next chapters will be much longer. This is just the beginning.  
I'd appreciate reviews. Please tell me where I can improve and where I'm doing just fine.  
-This fanfiction has been brought to you by Her Majesty, the King.**


	2. Chapter 2- Through the Ark Gate

**Disclaimer: I do not own **_**D. Gray-Man.**_ **That belongs to the wonderful Katsura Hoshino. I do not own **_**Alice's Adventures in Wonderland**_**. That belongs to the lovely Lewis Carroll.**

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_In another moment down went Alice after it, never once considering how in the world she was to get out again. -Alice's Adventures in Wonderland_

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**Chapter 2- Through the Ark Gate**

Allen had been grabbed and pulled into the Ark by Lavi so suddenly that he hadn't had a moment to even think about stopping himself before being dragged in. It really would have been nice if he had had time to think about it. If he had, he most certainly wouldn't have let Lavi, who was acting quite like a madman, pull him in. Allen knew it was not wise to let himself be dragged around by a madman (he had learned this lesson the hard way when he let an alcoholic, womanizing demon of a man drag him around the world), but things hardly ever go the way he wants them to.

Anyway, being dragged straight into a blinding white light was never something Allen considered as a nice thing to do to his eyes. Shutting his eyes to ward away the stinging brightness, he noticed that there was a sudden lack of solidness under his feet. Lavi didn't seem to be pulling his arm anymore either. And does anybody else feel like they're falling?

When Allen opened his eyes again, he was expecting to see something like the Black Order Headquarters, complete with finders running around, exorcists, and scientists doing their sciencey things. But no. Nothing can ever be quite that easy for Allen. When Allen opened his eyes he saw darkness. He looked up and down and all around him to see if he could see anything, but everything was just too dark.

"Excuse me, is anybody there?" he called out into the darkness. "Lavi? Where'd you go?"

And damn it, he still had that weird falling feeling.

An idea of where he was suddenly struck him.

"No, that can't be it," he said quietly. A dreadful feeling started to snake through his body as he thought about it more and more. Man, he's really gonna have trouble getting out of this one.

"No, no, no, no, no. I've gotta be somewhere else. Somewhere that I can get out of. Yeah, I can't be in that place."

But the idea was stuck in his head. He couldn't help but think back to when he and his friends were first wandering around the Ark, after the battles with the Noah.

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_Allen, Kanda, Lavi, and Chaoji had just finished searching the Ark for any leftover Noah, finding none, and were now searching for a way to get out of the Ark. As always, Kanda and Allen were bickering._

_"Isn't there any way out of here, beansprout?"_

_"My name's Allen, Bakanda!"_

_He had turned his head towards Kanda to yell that at him, but continued to walk forward._

_"Stop fighting, you two."_

_A half-hearted complaint from Lavi._

_"I'm checking whether we can get out right..."_

_A sudden lack of ground under his feet was brought to Allen's attention._

_"...now...?"_

_Looking away from Kanda, Allen saw that he had stepped into a big empty space of blackness._

_How_

_fucking_

_wonderful._

_Everything happened so quickly, they were all falling down, grabbing on to each other, trying not to be pulled into that empty black void._

_And then, of course, a shout from Kanda._

_"If you're going to fall, then fall by yourself, you damn beansprout!"_

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Did Allen somehow manage to get himself into that black space of nothingness? He really hoped he didn't. He really, really, really hoped he didn't.

But it would explain all the darkness around him.

And it would explain that falling feeling.

He let himself fall for another few moments, hoping that something would happen to prove his idea wrong.

Of course, nothing happened.

_Well shit._

Was he going to be stuck here forever? Was there any food here? Dear God, was he going to die of starvation?

Just as Allen was about to really start panicking, something above him lit up. Looking up, Allen saw what appeared to be... the sun in the sky. And it was getting smaller and smaller as he continued to fall down what appeared to be a hole in the ground.

Allen just sighed as he continued to fall down. Being an exorcist this long, he assumed that he should just stop trying to find explanations for all the crazy shit that's happening in the world.

Allen tried to look down to see if he could find out when he was going to fall to his death, but it was still too dark to see anything beneath him. To his surprise, he discovered that the sides of the hole were covered in bookshelves and cupboards. He must have been falling at a slower speed than one would normal fall at, for he could easily look inside the various cupboards as he passed by. Most of them were empty, but he did find a plate of mitarashi dango on one of the bookshelves. To his great horror, he determined that the dango was just plastic, and he dropped the abomination in a fancy cupboard that flew past him.

There were also several pictures on the walls, and maps too. The maps made no sense at all, having compasses with directions like east-west and up-down-and-all-around. One of the pictures he passed was a picture of him looking at a picture of him looking at a picture of him looking at a picture of him. It began to gave him a headache, and he was glad when it rose up out of his sight.

Allen soon began to wonder if his fall would never end. He just kept falling and falling and falling. Wouldn't it be funny if he went right through the center of the earth? What a story that would be.

As Allen continued to fall down and down and down, he began to get quite bored. Seeing as he had nothing else to do, he began to think about Tim.

He's always wondered why cats liked to eat Tim so much. Allen never thought that Tim looked particularly tasty. Tim's like a little circle of technology and magic. That doesn't exactly sound too appetizing. And by the way, why hasn't Tim ever gotten revenge on the cats and eaten _them?_ He could probably do it, seeing as he could grow large enough to fit both Allen and Road in his mouth. But wait, can Tim eat cats? Cats can certainly eat Tim, but who knows if Tim can eat cats. Allen should ask Tim if he had ever eaten a cat.

Just as Allen finished that thought, there was the sound of a thump!thump!thump! and he found himself tumbling down a pile of leaves and sticks. He finally came to a halt at the base of the pile, and he stood up on the solid ground.

He wasn't hurt at all, and when he looked up, he realized that he could no longer see the sky up above. He looked around the room he was in and saw that there was a long passage leading out of the room, and hey! Lavi, still wearing that waistcoat and sporting two rabbit ears, was running down it. Not hesitating even one moment, Allen took off after Lavi. He was able to get close enough to the red-haired boy to hear him say, "Oh my ears and whiskers, how late it's getting!" Allen stumbled when he heard that, dear God, that was weird, and it just so happened to give Lavi enough time to disappear around the corner. When Allen himself turned the corner, Lavi wasn't anywhere in sight. What Allen found instead was a long hall with a low ceiling (not that it mattered to a beansprout like Allen) and a row of lamps on the roof.

On closer inspection of the hall, one could see that there were doors lining both walls. The lamps cast a yellowish glow on them, but they were all brilliantly wonderful in their own ways. One was large and brown and just looked magnificent, another was colorful and festive and bright, and yet another would be small and blue and intriguing. Allen walked up and down the hall, trying to open any of the doors, but alas, they were all locked. Actually, not all of them were locked. Some had the indecency to just be paintings on the wall rather than bothering to be real doors at all! Either way, none of these doors were exits for him, and Allen began to wonder how he was ever going to get out.

Suddenly, there was a dining room table in front of him, and he was pretty sure that it wasn't there before. It looked like an exact copy of the table on the Ark where Tyki and Road had invited the exorcists to have a bite to eat. If that wasn't already creepy enough, there were strange little dolls sitting in seats all around the table. Each doll looked like the person who had sat in the same place at the table right before the big fight. There was a freaky doll for Allen, Lenalee, Lavi, Road, Tyki, and Chaoji. That didn't unnerve Allen at all. Nope. Not. one. bit.

Allen noticed that the entire table was empty except for a little golden key that was placed directly in front of the Allen look-alike doll. He decided he might as well try to see if the key fit any of the doors that were locked. Alas, the key didn't fit into any of the locks. It was much too small for any of them. However, Allen noticed that there was a curtain in the room that he hadn't looked behind. Pulling the curtain back, he found a tiny door about fifteen inches high.

"You've got to be kidding me," mumbled Allen as he stared at the door. _For fuck's sake. _The door looked like a small version of Road's red and black checkerboard pattern door. Looking closer at the key in his hand, Allen noticed that this also looked like a replica of something he'd seen before. It looked like none other than the key Tyki had held before the exorcists, stating that it was a key that could open Road's door and get them safely out of the Ark.

Inserting the key into the door's lock, Allen turned it and he heard a little click, signaling that the door and the key were a match. One problem down.

But now there was a much bigger problem he needed to face, and that was how the hell he was going to get through that tiny door. Allen may be short, but he was most certainly not _that_ short.

He decided to find out if he could at least see what was on the other side of the door, so he put his head to the floor and tried to peek through the tiny door. He saw nothing other than a room in the Black Order Headquarters on the other side! But there was something strange about it. He couldn't quite put his finger on it. That is, until he got a closer look at the people talking to each other in the room.

Allen couldn't quite believe his own eyes. He saw Tapp and Suman and many other dead friends. Lenalee had her beautiful long hair again. Cross was drinking and smoking and wonderfully alive. Everyone, the science division, the other exorcists, their friends, they were all happier than they were now, even crabby old Kanda. It gave Allen a odd feeling, not exactly happy, not exactly sad, looking at that. But no matter what kind of feeling he got from looking at that scene, he knew that he desperately wanted to be there. He wanted to laugh and smile with his friends again without them worrying about whether or not he was suddenly going to turn Noah on them. He wanted to be with the friends he had lost. Right or wrong, it's what he longed for.

He'll only go there for a minute. A minute, that's all he wants. Then, he'll find a way out of this strange place and go back to his damaged home.

Allen walked back to the dining table to see if there was anything there that could help him get through the door. He saw a strange little bottle sitting in front of the Allen doll, and it appeared that all the other dolls were holding little scraps of paper with writing on them. Noticing once again how creepy this entire room was, Allen started to think that maybe going through that door wasn't such a good idea.

But the thought of being in that room...

He decided that nothing _that_ bad could happen, right? So he picked up the bottle with that strange liquid in it and tried to figure out what it was. The liquid was a very strange color indeed. It actually didn't seem to be just one color, but a vortex of multiple colors, swirling around each other. He could see shades of purple, blue, green, and red. He spotted dots of browns, yellows, oranges, and black. The colors danced around each other, not quite mixing yet not quite staying separate. Then, a thought struck Allen. What if this was some sort of poison?

He looked again at the dolls holding the pieces of paper and decided to see what was written on the scraps. As he approached each doll, he saw that each one held a paper bearing the exact same beautifully printed message: "DRINK IT".

"Hm," Allen said. "It's all very well to say 'Drink it', but it could still very well be poison!"

He debated for a few minutes about whether or not to drink the odd drink. Finally, he stated very matter-of-factly, "Fuck it," and he drank the liquid. It turned out to have a very nice taste. If he were to describe it, Allen would say that it was a mix of cherry-tart, custard, pineapple, roast turkey, toffy, hot buttered toast, and mitarashi dango.

Allen suddenly had a weird, tingling feeling spread all across his body, and he quickly noticed that he was soon only ten inches tall. He realized that he was now small enough to get into that room, and he swiftly ran over to where the door was.

However, when the exorcist reached the door, he saw that it was once again shut and locked. He looked around for the key and panicked when he couldn't find it. A glint from the table caught his eye, and when he looked at the dining table he saw that the golden key was laying on it. Allen tried to climb the table and get to the key, but he was too small and the legs of the table were too slippery. Not only that, he found that when he tried to activate Crown Clown, his innocence wasn't responding.

Thoroughly freaked out now, Allen just tried to calm himself down. There was no use in acting crazy about this. He just had to stay calm, get out of here, and go back to kicking some Akuma ass. It'd all be okay once he got out of here.

Taking a few more deep breaths, Allen spotted a little glass box under the table. Opening it, he found a little colorful cake sitting inside. A piece of paper suddenly landed on his head after fluttering through the air.

Looking up, Allen saw all the dolls above him sitting on the chairs positioned to be staring at him.

"Don't be spooked by them," Allen thought to himself, fighting a shiver from running down his back. "Be scared and the dolls win."

Ignoring the creepiness of the creepy dolls in the creepy room, Allen looked at the piece of paper that had fallen on his head. Again, there was a message on it, but this time it read "EAT IT."

Allen stared at the paper for a few moments before saying, once again, "But it could be poison!"

Then, Allen's stomach made it known that it was starving by letting out a large roar.

Before Allen even realized what he was doing, the cake was gone.

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**Thank you very much for reading. Next chapter will be up as soon as possible. Reviews are always appreciated.  
If you are ever wondering how far along I am in writing the next chapter, just look at my profile. I'll keep a little word count on there.  
-This fanfiction has been brought to you by Her Majesty, the King.**


	3. Chapter 3- The Pool of Blood

**Disclaimer: I do not own D. Gray-Man. That belongs to the wonderful Katsura Hoshino. I do not own Alice's Adventures in Wonderland. That belongs to the lovely Lewis Carroll.**

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_"Curiouser and curiouser!" -Alice_

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_**Warning: There is blood in this chapter. Might be triggering to some people? I'm a bit unsure about what does and doesn't trigger certain people, but better safe than sorry, right?**_

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**Chapter 3- The Pool of Blood**

"Bloody hell!" cried Allen as his head bumped into the ceiling. He was growing and growing and growing, and there was no way in hell anyone could call him a beansprout now. His legs were getting longer, as were his arms. His head and torso grew larger as his neck was stretched longer. Allen looked down and saw just how far away his feet seemed to be.

"How am I going to take off and put on my shoes if I can't even reach my feet?" he muttered as he stared at his boots. He must have been at least nine feet tall by now, yet he was still growing. Allen began to get a little nervous. He had to crouch down and stoop to avoid breaking through the ceiling. Was he ever going to stop growing? Did he eat too much of that little cake? While on the topic of cakes, Allen had to admit that the little treat had been delicious. It had been extremely sweet, yet he couldn't quite place his finger on what the taste had reminded him of.

A slight cracking sound pulled Allen out of his cake musings. He craned his neck to look at the ceiling, where he believed the sound had come from, and noticed a tiny crack in the material near his head. Not good. More pressure was put on the ceiling as he continued to grow and press against it. There was a louder cracking sound as he watched several more small cracks branch out from the one he first saw. Definitely not good.

Allen decided to lay on the ground to avoid touching the ceiling and causing further damage. As he attempted to lay on his stomach, he couldn't believe how tall he was getting. His right hand had crashed into the table from earlier while he had been trying to lay down, and now his left elbow was being painfully pushed against one of the walls. He tried to manoeuver himself into a more comfortable position, and he could only hope that he would stop growing soon.

His hand hit something tiny, and it made a clattering sound as it skidded across the ground. He looked over to it and noticed it was the key that fit into the small door behind the curtain, the door that led to all of his friends. Maybe, maybe he could somehow get everyone's attention? Then, they could help him out of this predicament? It was a long shot, but it was better than sitting around doing nothing.

Allen tried to grab the key, but it was just so small and his hands were so big. The tiny thing kept slipping out from between his fingers, and he was still growing! He kept trying to grab the key until aha! finally, he had it between the nails of his thumb and index finger. Slowly and gently (he didn't want to hear the damn sound of it clattering to the floor again), he inserted the key into the door which conveniently happened to be right near his face. The door was unlocked, and Allen pushed it open with one finger. He had grown so much now that he could only look through if he put his head against the floor, and even then, only one of his eyes could see what was beyond that door. Maybe he should have called it a blessing to not have been able to perfectly see the scene.

His eye activated when he saw the wicked scene. Horribly deformed souls were chained to all of his friends. Everybody looked like a zombie. Blood poured from their eyes, and some of them exploded into vicious Akuma. Suman's skin slowly started to peel off of his body, and Lenalee's hair was hideously tangled and falling out in clumps. There was simply a pool of blood where Cross had been standing, and Allen couldn't bear to look at the scene anymore. His left eye began to cry tears of blood as the mutilated souls of his friends called for his help, for their own salvation.

More and more blood began to pour from his eye, and it just wouldn't stop. The sticky red liquid continued to run down his face and drip onto the floor, eventually creating a small pool. The red blurred his vision, and he was glad. He couldn't see his horribly twisted friends anymore, and he took some time to remind himself that they weren't really his friends. Those people had just been an illusion created by this strange place, right? Right.

He thought the blood would stop once he couldn't see the gruesome scene, but it continued to flow. Soon, the pool around him was four inches deep, and if he wasn't so large and had been able to look around the hallway, he would have seen that the pool ran down the entire length of it.

After a very short amount of time, he heard what sounded like footsteps. He tried to wipe some of the blood away so that he could see who was coming, but it barely helped his red-stained vision. He could, however, make out the form of what appeared to be Lavi, still sporting rabbit ears and a waistcoat. He held a pair of kid-gloves in one hand, and a large, white handkerchief in the other. He was running down the hall very quickly, muttering to himself, "Oh, shit! Old Man, the Panda! Won't he be angry if I keep him waiting!"

Allen desperately needed help right now, and this bat shit insane Lavi was the only person around.

"Hey! Lavi–" Lavi started violently and dropped the kid-gloves and the handkerchief. Before Allen could even breathe, Lavi was dashing down the hall and was very quickly out of sight. Irritated at this turn of events, Allen picked up the gloves and handkerchief and glared at them in a not very nice way, as though all of this was their fault. His eye was still bleeding, and he gave the handkerchief another glance. _Hell, Lavi owes me big time anyway. I can ruin his stuff. _He promptly held the cloth against his eye, and soon the white cloth was stained with red.

He slumped against the wall, trying to simply focus on getting the bleeding to stop.

Today had definitely been a weird day. Everything had been just fine and dandy yesterday, but today he had woken up in some strange place and ended up in an even stranger one. Something felt odd about his line of thought though. He couldn't quite place his finger on it. No, wait. He frowned. Had yesterday been "fine and dandy?" He found that he couldn't remember. He wondered if the 14th had something to do with his fuzzy memory.

The 14th. Allen sighed. He had no idea how he was going to jump over this hurdle in his path. Mana always said to keep walking, but sometimes that's just a bit difficult. Sometimes it's even more difficult when the possibility of Mana having directed that saying towards the man trying to take over Allen's body hung in the air. Maybe Mana wanted the 14th to keep walking, keep trying to take over Allen. _No. _Allen wouldn't let himself think that. Mana cared about him. Mana wanted him to keep trying. Allen would beat the 14th. He wouldn't let Neah take over. _For Mana. For his friends. For the Akuma._

He hoped he could get out of here soon. His comrades needed him to help them in the fight against the earl. The Akuma needed somebody to save them.

Wait. Allen just realized something. He was slumping against the wall. Hadn't he grown to such a size where he had to lie down to prevent the ceiling from breaking? He quickly broke out of his thoughts and measured himself by looking at the previously forgotten tiny door. He was just barely taller than it! He continued to shrink, and he began to panic. Can somebody shrink into nothing? Allen didn't want to find out.

He realized that he must have started shrinking around the time he had taken the items from Lavi, so he quickly threw the gloves and blood-soaked handkerchief to the floor. He stopped getting smaller, and Allen let out the breath he didn't know he had been holding.

"Well, that was a narrow escape," he chucked nervously. Was he going to start changing sizes again soon or could he go on with his life?

He spared a glance toward that little door (not so little anymore) and wondered if he should go back to it. Would the scene of his dreams be there or the scene of his nightmares? He decided against checking; dwelling on things that would never happen wouldn't be good for his already unstable mental health. Besides, the door appeared to be locked again, and the key was nowhere in sight.

Allen took a step forward. Well, at least he tried to. He slipped on something sticky and wet and was soon up to his chin in the liquid. At first, he wondered what the hell he had fallen into, but when he caught sight of the red color and smelled that sickening scent that clung to him for days after particularly gruesome missions, he realized he must had fallen into that pool of blood he had created earlier. He was certainly small enough now to be able to swim in it. He realized he couldn't find a shore of any kind, and he tried to swim around to find a way out. _Dear God,_ he thought. _I'm going to smell like blood for weeks, aren't I?_

He heard something splashing around a little way off, and he tried to swim closer to it. Swimming in blood was actually harder than it looked. There's a reason they say blood is thicker than water.* Luckily, Allen was in top physical condition, and this was nothing for him.

Was what he wished he could say. His breathing was just a tiny bit more labored now, and a regular person wouldn't even notice, but Allen did. _Maybe I'll ask Kanda to spar with me some more,_ he thought, then grinned wickedly as Dark Allen reared his ugly head. _Or maybe I'll provoke him into a fight. Girly swordsmen are fun to poke at._

Shaking his head to get himself to pay attention to the situation at hand, Allen continued to swim towards the splashing noise. He wondered what it could possibly be. It was probably a mouse or something small, seeing how much he had shrunken. He finally got close enough to see what was causing the splashing.

Okay, this day was officially number two on the list of weirdest days of Allen Walker's life (_don't think of number one, don't think of number one, don't think of number one_). Splashing around in the pool of blood was none other than a sandwich. A sub, to be more specific. With lettuce, tomatoes, and bacon, to be even more specific.

"I must have eaten one of those mushrooms again," Allen said to himself.

"Hey!" Allen nearly jumped out of his skin when a voice seemed to come from the sandwich. "You! Tiny kid, why are you talking to yourself? Are you crazy? I knew a crazy guy once. He was yellow and kept chirping. Mr. Chocolate Cake told me he was a bird, but I know better. I know a crazy when I see one!"

Allen just stared at the sandwich.

"Hey, kid, you dumb as well as crazy?"

"You... you can talk?" Allen barely managed to whisper.

"Of course I can talk! Geez, kids these days," and with that said, the sandwich began to splash away from Allen.

"Wait!"

"What?" it snapped.

"Uh, sorry about that question earlier?" For some reason, Allen felt like he had extremely offended the sandwich by asking if it could talk. "Excuse me, but do you know of an exit?"

The sandwich seemed to contemplate whether or not it was going to accept his apology. Eventually, it seemed that it did because it said, "Yeah, I know an exit. Follow me."

The sandwich splashed towards Allen's right, and Allen began to follow it. The following silence was a bit uncomfortable. Allen decided to try to start a conversation.

"You know how you said something about a yellow guy you knew? Well, that reminds me of my friend, Tim. He's actually a golem. He has a tail and little tiny hands and sharp teeth. Really sharp teeth. Really, really, really sharp teeth. Don't get him angry. He bites me sometimes. It's not fun, I can tell you that," Allen was just sort of rambling now. He was just having fun talking about Timcanpy, something actually normal in his life. Wait. Never mind, normal people don't have flying golems. "I don't understand how he eats stuff though. Where does it all go? You should see him. Sometimes he eats these giant sandwiches in one bite, and nobody knows how it all fits inside that little tiny body of his. The scientists can't even figure it out!"

The sandwich had let out a horrified gasp, and Allen didn't realize his mistake until it was too late. The sandwich had already swam a good distance ahead of him before he got the chance to call out "Wait! I won't talk about Tim anymore!"

"Oh, you better not!" the sandwich had decided to let Allen catch up. "Your Tim sounds like an awful creature!"

"I'm sorry. I won't bring him up again," Allen assured the sandwich.

Suddenly, Allen's stomach let out a roar.

"Oh heavens!" and the sandwich was swimming away as fast as it could. The splashes were causing quite a commotion and Allen hoped the sandwich could hear him calling after it, all the while damning his large appetite to Hell.

"Wait! I promise I won't eat you! Or talk about Timcanpy! Please, just come back and help me find a way out of all this blood!" The smell was already making him lightheaded. Maybe that was why he kept saying stupid stuff.

The sandwich stopped in its furious swimming away. It seemed to think for a moment, and then slowly made its way back to Allen. If Allen didn't know any better, he'd say it had turned pale. It agreed to take him to shore, but expected him to leave soon after.

The pool was getting extremely crowded, Allen noticed. Food items were swimming around in the blood everywhere, and he saw the occasional mouse, squirrel, and insect. The sandwich led the way to the shore, and soon all the creatures and food in the pool of blood followed.

_What a macabre scene_, Allen thought from his spot at the shore.

* * *

*This saying is actually horribly mangled. People think it means that family is more important than friends. "But what the fuck do friends have to do with water," you may ask. Well, you see, my lovely reader, the original quote goes like this: "The blood of the covenant is thicker than the water of the womb." It refers to blood brothers being more important than family brothers. Basically, the complete opposite meaning of what everybody thinks it means. Funny how excluding a few words changes the meaning entirely, right, right, right? That's why you should never listen to politicians quoting their enemies in commercials! The [...] you see means something was excluded, and hey, look what that does! Oops, getting a bit off topic here. Anyway, enjoy this random little fact!

** I'm sorry for how late this is! School's been busy and I've just felt sad. Haven't really been in the mood to do stuff. But, hey, got this done finally. Next chapter will hopefully be out sooner than how long this one took. Thank you for the reviews, favorites, and follows!  
I can say there's a good chance of me updating this sooner than the last one 'cause I write at night when I don't feel like a complete idiot. School required me to sleep since I'm such a goody two shoes student, but now since I'm done with that for some time I can stay up late.  
I keep a word count of how far along I am in the next chapter on my profile if you're interested.  
...um... the sandwich was a bit strange for me. I was going to make it a mouse like in the normal Alice in Wonderland, or maybe a finder, but as you can see... yeah. Allen+food=love  
I'd appreciate reviews. Please tell me where I can improve and where I'm doing just fine. Some grammar stuff too, please!  
-This fanfiction has been brought to you by Her Majesty, the King. **


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